I know I'm not the first to mention this, but if the NFL wants to convince cable companies to pay top dollar for its TV network, they need to draw up a better gameplan.
I must admit, I've never liked either Cris Collinsworth or Bryant Gumbel. But could those guys have made last night's game (a great one, no matter who you were rooting for) any more boring? Not to mention the countless gaffes (postgame interview with "Rick" Romo, Cowboys/Packers confusion throughout, and messing up who sponsors the postgame show) or the scream-inducing overuse of "would appear to be" or the whole Deion Sanders sideline fun.
These guys are broadcast professionals, right? Shouldn't they not be nervous or um-ing throughout the play-by-play? Seriously, I've seen better from CSTV and Versus. And the sound's usually off when I'm watching CSTV or Versus.
Jingle jingle! The arrival of the holidays also means the arrival of cheesy jewelry commericals. My favorites so far:
* Zales is apparently appealing to customers in low-crime neighborhods. A couple walks home at night amidst some romantic snow, and there’s a Zales bag hanging on the arm of the snowman in their front yard. Sorry, but I can’t even put a welcome mat outside my front door or it disappears.
* Jared definitely wins the cheesy race, but at least it’s on top of the latest technology. A girl on a date is texting her girlfriends about her BF: “Roses ... Dinner … He went to Jared!” Then the girlfriends text back and ask the BF if he has brothers. Everyone then laughs hysterically.
* Helzberg Diamonds adds some humor to their latest TV spot. We watch as a man paints his wife’s toenails and then says “Wait, it needs another coat.” Then the voiceover: “If you’re not this guy, then go to Helzberg.” I think I'd actually prefer jewelry I'd never wear to having my man anywhere near my feet.
Is T.O. afraid? That's what we were wondering after we read in Sports Illustrated today — the one with Missouri's Chase Daniel on the cover — that Mr. Owens was voted by players as the NFL receiver easiest to intimidate. Hmm ...
Movie time: The book Game of Shadows that details Barry Bonds' alleged steroid use and the federal government's wide-ranging probe into performance enhancing drug use, is going to be turned into a movie by HBO Films.
Movie time II: Universal Studios will reportedly make a movie about Joe Namath's rise to stardom, starring Jake Gyllenhaal as "Broadway Joe." Will there be a Suzy Kolber scene?
If it hadn't been for Ricky's tearful meltdown in minute 58 of last night's show, we would've had a tear-free episode!!! But, alas, the tough challenge had everyone on edge ...
Dan Dare #1 (of 7): Writer Garth Ennis revives the hero he describes as Britain's Superman, Batman and Captain America all rolled into one.
Midnighter Vol. 1: Killing Machine: Speaking of Ennis, this collects his recent six-issue run chronicling the adventures of gay superhero Midnighter.
Sensational Spider-Man #41: This is the third chapter of "One More Day," the story that's supposed to change Spidey's life forever. For a quick summary of the first two chapters, scroll to the end of this.
Marvel Atlas #1: If you ever find yourself magically transported to the Marvel Universe, you'll need this to get around.
Spider-Man Fairy Tales: The last time you read Cinderella or Little Red Riding Hood, did you say to yourself, "This story really needs some radioactive spiders"?
Jack of Fables #17: Speaking of fairy tales, check out Brian Bolland's depiction of Humpty Dumpty. Sweet.
The Associated Press reports that Broadway stagehands and theater producers reached a tentative agreement tonight to end a strike that has shut down more than two dozen plays and musicals for more than two weeks. The walkout, which began Nov. 10, has cost the city and theaters millions of dollars in lost income.
Is your office planning a holiday party this year? More and more are. About 86 percent of businesses are planning an event this year, according to a survey done by American Express.
The Associated Press also reported that "of employees surveyed, 27 percent say they find holiday parties 'fun and interesting;' 48 percent said they 'can take it or leave it;' and only 4 percent said the parties are 'to be avoided at all costs.'
A majority of companies — 92 percent — said they would also be giving year-end gifts, while only 64 percent of employees said they expect one."
Although yesterday was officially Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Annual Lighting Day, you can watch the spectacular event tonight at 7 on Channel 5. Forget the lights in the tree, all the sparkle will be on the ground at this star-studded, 75th annual affair. Not only is the event hosted by Nick Lachey and High School Musical's Ashley Tisdale (OK, and Al Roker, too, but will we seriously be watching for him?), but preceding the illumination will be performances by Carrie Underwood, Natasha Bedingfield and Sean Kingston. Squeeee!
Hey, it's almost time to dive into our best-of stuff for the year. Our Quick picks issue (favorite bands, movies, books, etc.) will be out in a few weeks, so don't miss that.
CollegeHumor.com has released its second annual power rankings, scientifically calculating your school's party index based on a number of categories, including percentage of women (the higher the better), number of male vocal groups (the lower the better) and proximity to Taco Bell (how that affects the ranking should be obvious). Penn State secured the top spot, and my alma mater squeaked into the top 30 at 28.
The new season of Notes from the Underbelly returns tonight. This is a hilarious series about a group of friends in their early 30s and how having kids changes a relationship. There's plenty of insight from a male's point of view as well.
Australia is all crazy at the moment because David Beckham is visiting the country for the first time. His Los Angeles Galaxy is playing a soccer friendly against Sydney FC. The big talker is that Beckham reportedly said no thanks to staying in a presidential-style suite costing $5,250 a night so he could sleep in a regular room like his teammates. “He hasn’t come through with a list of requests we’re used to here,” a city official said.
The ABC hit Ugly Betty has its roots in a Colombian telenovela. And now that the American version has begun to air in Latin America, many Colombians are less than impressed with what they see as a pale imitation of their beloved show.
“Watching the gringo version would be like reading 100 Years Of Solitude in English,” says Fabian Sanabria, an anthropologist at the Universidad Nacional who studies television. “It makes no sense.”
It must be said that the new creation from the South Park braintrust -- called Kenny vs. Spenny on Comedy Central -- is highly grotesque, and often very funny. I've just seen one episode, but what a premise: Both guys have to eat as much meat as humanly possible, leading to much regurgitation, and the loser has to make out with an old lady.
The Dallas Morning News' aptly named Cowboys Blog reports that Tony Romo's second touchdown pass today was his 29th of the season, tying Danny White's team record set in 1983.
With four minutes left in the game and several more games this season, he's set to shatter that record.
Congratulations to anyone who braved the cold weather (for Dallas) and ran the Turkey Trot this morning. It was my first one, and I might have to make it a tradition. The hilly course makes you feel like you really accomplished something, and there were a lot of fun sights and people celebrating the event. Here are some things I remember seeing and hearing:
- A family of five wearing felt turkey hats - including the fifth member, which was a giant dog.
- A group of 10 roughly college-age women dressed as turkeys. They wore brown long-sleeved shirts and leggings with felt yellow feet attached to their shoes and yellow beaks, plus long, rainbow-colored boas to serve as turkey feathers. They looked great!
- A woman dressed as a pilgrim, wearing a long black dress and a lacy white apron.
- LOTS of dogs in general, some that ran eight miles. One had a jack-o-lantern costume on - a little late, but still cute.
- A man who told me to keep up with him, to which I said, "You gotta run your own race, man," which got me a high-five and a "Woo!" from another guy.
- The first band on the course was playing a cover of Guy Clark's "Texas Cookin' " as I ran by, reminding us what we were doing this for - the Thanksgiving food! Well, that and the YMCA charities.
- LOTS of really fast Dallasites, and even more fit ones. I was really impressed with the amount of people (estimated at 30,000) participating in either the eight-mile race or the 5K. Nice job, Dallas!
Amy Adams has finally achieved her childhood dream of becoming a princess. For her royal turn in Disney’s new live action/animation mix, Enchanted, Adams, 33, steps in the historic shoes that she’s always wanted to fill. The film itself is a Disney best-of/tribute of sorts, with director Kevin Lima [Tarzan] placing references to Disney classics at every turn.
Adams has the sweet and innocent demeanor for the part, to which she attributes, “I’m not a small-town girl, but I’m a much smaller-town girl. I came from Minnesota. When I came to Los Angeles, it was such a Gisele moment. I was so wide-eyed and had a naivety about the world around me.” She adds, “If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have done anything. I would have been too scared.”
The singing and dancing in the film came naturally to her, but working with the rats and cockroaches was a stretch. She jokes, “Oddly enough, you can’t train a rat to clean a toilet. I’ve tried. You can train them to scamper…and I don’t work with cockroaches. I draw the line there.” Thankfully the animation took care of that.
The actress, who was nominated for an Oscar with Junebug, will next be seen opposite Tom Hanks in Charlie Wilson’s War, which she says was “like going to a master class”.
X-Men: God Loves, Man Kills: This deluxe hardcover reprints a story from the early 80s that partially inspired the second X-Men movie. One difference, though, is that the bad guy in the comic is a preacher from Dallas.
Grendel: Behold the Devil #1 (of 8): Speaking of the 80s, writer/artist Matt Wagner returns to Grendel, one of that decade's most successful indie creations.
Complete Badger Vol. 1: Speaking of successful indie comics of the '80s, here's a reprint of the first few Badger stories.
New Avengers Vol. 1: Brian Michael Bendis' New Avengers is always in the top 10 of the monthly sales chart. Here's the series' first 10 issues in one hardcover volume.
The Scream #1 (of 4): I don't know what to expect from this series created by Dark Horse founder Mike Richardson, but the creative team -- writer Peter David and penciller Bart Sears -- intrigues me.
The Umbrella Academy #3 (of 6): Hey, My Chemical Romance fans. The series written by your favorite band's lead singer, Gerard Way, is already half over.
Thunderbolts: Breaking Point: Grapevine's Brian Denham drew this one-shot based on the Thunderbolts, Marvel's team of villains who were forced to reform.
Karma Incorporated Vol. 1: Poor Mr. Wilson: This is a collection of a three-issue series -- written by Arlington's David Hopkins -- about a team of secret operatives who screw up the lives of their clients' enemies.
Oprah is famous for giving away some of her favorite things to audiences. Well this year she’s outdone herself with the most expensive thing yet – an HDTV fridge valued at $3,799.
You don’t have to break the bank to be like Oprah. Also on the list is Ciao Bella’s Blood Orange sorbet, just $4.99 at your local grocer.
And just to get a little self-promotion in there, O’s Guide to Life, a compilation of some of her favorite articles from O magazine.
With the writers' strike putting a crimp on new content, TV networks are looking for programming wherever they can find it. That's good news for Quarterlife, a Web series that debuted last week on MySpace and has been picked up by NBC. The network confirmed that it will begin airing hour-long episodes of the show early next year.
If the networks want to raid the Web for any more programming, let me suggest the following YouTube-inspired hits:
* The Mike Gundy Show, a sitcom chronicling the life and times of a man who's 40 and has a child. Oh, and he has anger-management issues and an oddly orange complexion.
* Chocolate Rain, a psychedelic musical on the Weather Channel that you cannot get out of your head.
* Thriller, an American Idol-style talent show in which dancing Filipino prisoners compete for the right to be paroled.
He's an actor. He's a rapper. And now, Lil' Romeo is adding another title: college basketball player. The 6-foot point guard signed a letter of intent today to play at the University of Southern California. One recruiting service ranks Lil' Romeo -- whose full name is Percy Romeo Miller -- among the top 15 prep point guards in the country.
Romeo's dad, hip-hop mogul Master P, had tryouts with two NBA teams back in the '90s.
Could it be anything other than the Turkey Trot? Sorry I didn't post a race last week, but it's probably because the last thing I wanted to think about was racing after the Texas Twenty. I avoided the Big D 30K like the plague and did my own thing.
But this week I'll be running my first Turkey Trot. I'm a little apprehensive about the crowds (50,000 runners, spectators and volunteers, says the DMN), but 8 miles is on the schedule anyway, so I figure this will be a fun way to do it. There's also a 5K. You can register on race day for $25 or at Luke's Locker for $20.
The story recommends that people get to City Hall an hour before the race starts at 9 a.m., and all streets within a two-block radius of City Hall will be closed from 7 a.m. to noon. DART is an option, but starting Wednesday, all stations from Mockingbird to the West End will be closed. However, shuttles will run from Mockingbird Station to the Dallas Convention Center.
Today is a day I'll have to refuse to celebrate. Well, for now. If it happens to come to fruition, then I kinda have no choice, huh? Anyway, happy Have A Bad Day day. And cue up that cheesetastic-yet-catchy Daniel Powter song they used to kick off the losers on American Idol last season. Sigh ...
Coincidentally, it's also Married to a Scorpio Support Day, which my holiday data source claims, is "a day to remember and offer support to those who are married to or in relationships with those born under the sign of Scorpio." Dayum, is it that rough to be with a Scorpio?!?? Hmmm, perhaps that holiday was created in tandem with Have a Bad Day Day.
The writers' strike kept Saturday Night Live from airing a new episode this weekend, but it didn't keep the performers from putting on a show. About 150 audience members at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in Manhattan got to see a live performance with host Michael Cera and musical guest Yo La Tengo.
The SNL cast and writers collaborated on the special, non-NBC-sanctioned Saturday Night Live — On Strike! event to benefit the behind-the-scenes staff affected by the strike.
But it wasn't your typical SNL. "It was a little dirtier than usual," audience member Birch Harms said.
So I'm not gonna come right out and say how I heard Jordin Sparks' new album, which doesn't hit stores until Tuesday. But I have heard it, and there's a duet with Chris Brown on it that nobody will be able to escape once it hits radio. Sparks tackles the chorus of "No Air" in a way that immediately makes you think of Rihanna's "Umbrella." Thing is, Jordin's a much better singer than Rihanna, to the point that even if "Umbrella" annoyed the crap out of you, you'll probably love "No Air." I had a similar experience when Daughtry blew up. His songs have basically the same structure as Nickelback's. But while Nickelback makes me want to stab myself repeatedly, Daughtry's material seems quite pleasant and has even [gasp] found its way into my iPod. Don't ever underestimate the power of raw vocal talent, even in the illogical world of radio pop.
Much like her Serpentine character in Southland Tales, actress Bai Ling slithers into a room, noticed by all, but somehow still quite mysterious no matter how long you’re around her. Wearing what she describes as “a combination by my crazy mind”, the always-stylish 37-year-old Chinese actress has a unique outlook on her roles and her career.
She offers, “Everybody comes to this world with a different mission or purpose. Everything that happens in my life is just my purpose to serve, like playing Serpentine.”
Of the omnipresent character in the film, she says, “Basically, she knows everything. I don’t know how or why, but she just knows. She’s a beautiful, sensual, smoking hot character like poetry just walking through the whole film. I like how she just kind of seduces everybody and just enjoys being there. She’s there the whole time, but like a shadow.”
Ling says she has completed a 400-page book in 40 days, and that it looks like it will be published and then made into a film. She will next be seen in a variety of genre films including a sci-fi film, The Gene Generation, followed by Shanghai Baby, a drama based on a book that was banned in China, horror flick The Gauntlet and a comedy, The Hustle.
SMU alum Paige Davis is returning to TLC's Trading Spaces (yep, it's still on). The network announced in 2005 that it was ditching Davis and moving to a host-less format for the home makeover show.
So last night, we finally got to see the Project Runway season premiere, featuring two designers with Dallas connections -- yeehaw! While we didn't get to see much of local shop owner Marion Lee, Booker T. Washington grad Elisa Jimenez was stirrin' up some mess, but mostly for herself.
But the Bostonian had this to say about Patriots quarterback Tom Brady: "He's like a taller, better-looking version of me anyway. Plus, he’s the best quarterback in the history of football.”
Replied Brady: "Matt and I always argue about who’s sexier."
The Associated Press said the two met six years ago on a film set.
While I'm figuring out how make QuickTime work on my computer so that I can actually watch commercials, here's a link to a Web site that might bring you back from the brink of madness. You know when you hear a cool song on a commercial but don't know the artist? Go to www.commercials.tuneforums.com and see if other fine folks have been talking about it, or post your own inquiry. Many come with desperate, excessive punctuation -- "BACARDI!!!!!!!!!". I recently learned that the cool tune from an Old Navy sweater commercial is "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson. Very warm and fuzzy. Hear it at www.myspace.com/ingridmichaelson.
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Black Dossier: Forget that movie adaptation with Sean Connery. Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill'sThe League of Extraordinary Gentlemen is an extraordinary story, and this long-delayed third volume sounds like a blast. O'Neill will be signing copies tomorrow night at Titan Comics.
Wonder Woman #14: Comics' pre-eminent female writer, Gail Simone, takes control of comics' pre-eminent female character.
Wonder Woman: Love and Murder: Simone is one of the few women to have ever written Wonder Woman. One of the others, novelist Jodi Picoult, wrote the stories collected here.
World War Hulk #5 (of 5): The year's best-selling title comes to what's sure to be a smash-filled conclusion.
World of Warcraft #1: Following in the footsteps of Marvel's Halo adaptation, WildStorm hopes a best-selling video game can become a best-selling comic book.
Badger: Bull! This one-shot recaps the life of the Badger, one of indie comics' most successful superhero properties, before his new miniseries, Badger: Ceremony, launches in December.
Shooting War: This graphic novel casts a satirical eye toward the war in Iraq and the media.
Today is World Kindness Day -- did you do something kind for someone else or for the world at large today? I hit that Door Open button in the elevator to let someone on today. That should be a day in itself: International Hold The Elevator Door Open For Someone Day. And it might've actually been yesterday that I did it.
You wanna be kind, really kind? Learn some ways to commit random acts of kindness, or send someone an appreciative e-card. Share the love!
If you browsed the Web earlier today, you might have seen a story about how Paris Hilton was championing the cause of drunken elephants in India. Seriously. And strange as it sounds, it could have been her greatest contribution yet to this planet. Activists praised her for trying to raise awareness. Who knows, she could have even started a chapter of Pachyderms Against Drunk Driving.
But a few hours later, the Associated Press retracted the story. Paris' publicist says she never weighed in on the subject and never made the comments attributed to her, including the sage words "we need to stop making alcohol available to them."
Say what you want, publicist, but I still believe.
Some members of the Miley Cyrus fan club who weren't able to get tickets for the "Best of Both Worlds" concert tour are suing the teen pop star for deception. The fans say that they were promised tickets for joining the fan club, but allege Interactive Media Marketing and Smiley Miley Inc. knew there wouldn't be enough tickets to go around.
Miley/Hannah and the Jonas Brothers play the Fort Worth Convention Center tomorrow. Watch out out for all those screaming teens.
This from the DMN: Quarterback Tony Romo and the Cowboys finished with the most jersey sales for an individual and a team, according to NFLShop.com numbers compiled from April 1 through October obtained by Sports Business Journal. Terrell Owens’ jersey was ranked 20th among players. Romo beat out LaDainian Tomlinson, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady and Brian Urlacher, ranked Nos. 2-5, for the top spot individually.
Think about it: You get to travel to beautiful cities around the world and play on magnificent and historic courses. You're wined and dined.
And this bit of news: Sergio Garcia (above) set a PGA Tour record this year for most money won in a season without earning a victory, a cool $3.7 million. So being average is a good thing.
Annie's post about I Love New York 2 got me all into it again, so of course I had to watch last night's new episode. That episode, which featured the return of "Chef" Mr. Boston, wasn't what interested me - it was the preview for next week, in which brothers Real and Chance from last season return to help her figure out "who's there for New York." New York was happy to see Chance, but the rest of the guys in the house weren't too pleased to have him there. It seemed that there's still some sparks between them, but I guess I'll just HAVE to tune in to find out if he gets added to the mix. Yep, they hooked me again.
It's a big week for Wonder Woman fans, as the first issue written by Gail Simone, the preeminent female comic book writer, arrives in stores. (Pick up tomorrow's edition of Quick for a Q&A with Simone.)
To mark the occasion, Zeus Toys & Comics (one of Dallas' finest comic book stores) and Project: Rooftop (a blog dedicated to superhero costume design) are sponsoring a contest.
If you come up with the best redesign of Wonder Woman's costume, you'll win a statue of Linda Carter, a copy of Wonder Woman signed by Simone, a Wonder Woman action figure and a $25 Zeus gift certificate. Get to sketchin'!
In today's Quick, we had the sad news that Kanye West's mother had passed away at 58. Now, word comes that she apparently died of complications stemming from cosmetic surgery.
Dallas' own Erykah Badu guest stars on the CW's "Girlfriends" tonight at 8. Check out a commercial for the episode here, in which one of the Girlfriends (drunkenly?) cheers on Erykah while she's performing.
Nip/Tuck apparently does. In tonight's episode of I Love New York 2, New York gets a guest spot on Nip/Tuck, and gets to take one of her remaining boy toys with her.
Oh, and it's the return of Mr. Boston, who teaches the boys how to cook. I would have loved to see him and Cheezy go at it.
Last week we thought the second chance was going to "Chance," who is supposed to make a comeback this season, but Buddha came back instead. Can't wait to see how it goes between him and Tailor Made.
"We love playing on the road," Crayton said. "One, because you love coming into another man's home. It's kinda like an invasion. We're kinda like big dogs, with what we're trying to do. We're trying to come in, urinate a little bit and mark our territory."
Rolling Stone, apparently trying to induce a sense of deja vu in all its readers, recently released its third 40th anniversary issue of the year. Call me crazy, but I thought Pat-Ourselves-On-the-Back Issue No. 2 was excessive. This comes after a recent cover story on former RS scribe Hunter S. Thompson, who if I'm not mistaken hasn't been up to much since his death in early 2005. If Rolling Stone doesn't quit wallowing in the past and trying to relive its old glories, the magazine is going to lose whatever scant relevance it's still clinging to.
Tiffany Shepis will be in Dallas tonight (Saturday, November 10th) signing autographs at the AMC Grand 24 (10110 Technology Blvd. East, Dallas TX, I-35 and NW Hwy) from 7PM – 10PM. Tiffany stars in NIGHTMARE MAN which is one of the Horrorfest 2007 featured films.
Post a comment below if you make it or if you see the movie this weekend.
Tomorrow marks Quick’s fourth anniversary. Here's a look back at the big stories, personalities, movers and/or shakers during the past 12 months, and how many times they were referenced in Quick. The important news events. The champions of sport. The troubled celebs. The misspelled rap names.
What this list really means is … we have an archive system that is easy to use.
As always, we welcome your feedback. Send your notes of affection or otherwise to letters@quickdfw.com.
Kellie, Carrie. Carrie, Kellie. It's apparently easy to confuse Carrie Underwood and Kellie Pickler, the American Idol contestants who are now country stars. OK! magazine's Web site has an interview with Pickler today about her love life, but they seem to have gotten the girls mixed up...
"At Wednesday night's Country Music Awards, American Idol Kellie Pickler opened up to OK! about her broken heart.
As OK! reported in early October, the 21-year-old had recently split from her hockey-playing boyfriend Jordan Tootoo, when she told an audience at a concert in Michigan that he had cheated on her. But at the CMAs, Carrie was singing a a more forgiving tune to OK!."
Sure, Coach Fran is sucking the life out of Texas A&M fans right now. And losing basketball coach Billy Gillispie last season after back-to-back NCAA Tournament runs was heartbreaking.
But, the A&M faithful had a chance to crack a smile yesterday, even if it was a built on someone else's sorrow.
Why? It might have had something to do with Gillispie's new team, the 22nd-ranked Kentucky Wildcats, getting its tail hand to it in a 16-point home loss to GARDNER-WEBB. That's right, Gardner-Webb, which became a Division I school in 2000-01.
Happy Birthday, coach. You made a lot of people's day.
He bills himself as "a world-renowned entrepreneur, best-selling author, yacht racer, bon vivant, taste maker and opinion taster," among other things. We first noticed his superb brand of humor this week on the FrontBurner, which you can read here.
His wit came over to Quick with a letter to our dear columnist Gordon Keith. The critique appears on Page 5 in today's issue, and is pasted below.
It turns out Alibaster has his own excellent blog. You can see it here.
So who is he? The alter ego of a sly member of the media? The new Gatsby of Highland Park? We have our suspicions. In the meantime, please enjoy his letter to Gordo:
Dearest Gordon Keith,
You impish rogue! Whenever I read your delicious column in Quick, it never fails to elicit enormous gut-tightening guffaws, regardless of how completely disposable the content might be. Absolutely nothing pricks at my funny bone like the benign word couplings that spill from your brilliant skull like so much liquid hilarity.
This is why I love you so, Mr. Keith. As a world renowned bon vivant, yacht racer and hot air balloon enthusiast I am often using my cerebral facilities at maximum capacity. Your column requires no such attention on my part. Your jocular fashion is both unthreatening and rudimentary, totally void of originality or bite. Where did you ever develop such a well-tuned if ultimately toothless sense of humor? I must know!
Miss Teen USA. Britney Spears. Lindsay Lohan. Is no one safe from your playful yet timely barbs? Were you sent to Earth from the heavens above? Do tell!
In closing I do attest, you are pure unadulterated merriment distilled in a frosty mug made from moon rocks and filled with Pope ... [explicit imagery deleted by editor].
The black Mercedes that Lindsay Lohan wrecked in May is up for sale on eBay. As of this posting, bidding is up to $112,000. Bidding ends Nov. 15 and the car's in Houston, so maybe it'll at least be a tourist attraction for a little while. Road trip anyone?
Get your pen and paper ready, little boys and girls, as well as all your deepest desires: It's Dear Santa Letter Week. Tell Santa what you want, but only if you're nice, not naughty or sassy or Britney Spears. But, jeez, this occasion is quite a long stretch from Christmas, isn't it? I suppose it is the U.S. Postal Service we have to rely on, after all. So get those letters in the mail, asap! If Santa gets your letter late, not only will he disregard your wishes, but he'll sic his evil little kitty, Sgt. Gonzo, on you next time he spies you from his perch at the mall. Meow-rahr!!!!
Denzel Washington is a great actor. But he has been in two of the longest movies I've ever been to -- Malcolm X and (last weekend) American Gangster.
Not only were both of these movies long, but they felt long -- never a good thing.
And, while I liked both movies, I didn't love either of them.
American Gangster didn't really live up to the hype for me. I don't even think it's the best gangster movie in the last two years (behind The Departed). And I'll never forget the black guy behind me at Malcolm X snoring so loudly it was hard to hear some of the lines. (That about says it all, really.)
SI.com has an interesting story rating the gameday atmosphere for all 32 NFL teams and their stadiums. The Cowboys came in at a lowly 26th in aging Texas Stadium, but it'll be interesting to see what kind of impact the new stadium in Arlington will make on their game-day experience. Team owner Jerry Jones has already said the $1.1 billion stadium will give the Cowboys the highest revenue in the NFL.
* Forward Dirk Nowitzki has relaunched his official Web site, www.41fan.net. Dirk will post original content on the site, which also has all of his biographical and statistical information. Josh Howard also has launched a personal Web site, www.joshhoward.com.
* Howard and coach Avery Johnson are being featured in the long-running got milk? nutritional campaign. Both will adorn billboards with milk mustaches. In a nice touch, Johnson is standing on a milk crate to get him a couple of inches taller than Howard in the photograph.
This week's most high-profile race is Saturday's Texxas Twenty at Victory Park. There is a 5K that starts at 8 a.m., and the 10- and 20-mile races start at 7 a.m. It's a great tune-up for the White Rock Marathon. There's race-day registration, or you could hit up Luke's Locker through Friday. Plus the after-party is quality, or at least it was last year. They had tons of food, including grilled chicken, and it didn't look like they were going to run out, even as the 20-milers straggled in.
Today is Saxophone Day, and our Orientations columnists recently caught up with Rusty Johnson, a local saxophonist who's doing great things for great kids. Check it out:
Risky Business star Rebecca DeMornay (also the creepy nanny in The Hand That Rocks the Cradle) is the latest celebrity to be charged with DUI. She was stopped Oct. 30 in Beverly Hills and had a blood-alcohol level of .09 (is .01 above the legal limit even technically intoxicated when you're a celebrity?). A police spokesman said she was "very cooperative during the arrest."
It's always nice to hear some good news!
Paris Hilton, who said that her stint in jail had changed her and made her a better person, recently postponed her planned charity work in Rwanda after saying she was scared. But she was up for judging a beauty contest today in less-scary Tokyo. Hilton and her younger sister, Nicky, each chose one finalist for the Miss Universe Japan contest. “I love Tokyo,” Hilton told the Associated Press. “The shopping is great.”
Paul Norris, the co-creator of Aquaman, has died. I'd never heard of him before I heard this news, but -- as they say on Entourage, the show that's done more than even DC Comics to put Aquaman back in the public consciousness -- let's hug it out anyway.
Have a favorite Santa from the movies? I'm kind of partial to the buggy-eyed one in A Christmas Story. "Oh, I hate the smell of tapioca." ... With Fred Clauscoming out, here's an MTV.com list of favorite cinematic Santas.
By the way, you can visit the Christmas Storyhouse or buy a leg lamp for that special someone. Who wouldn't want that?
Variety has a blog to help us keep up on the writers' strike. Jay Leno was spotted handing out Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Will this photo show up on the headlines portion of The Tonight Show? The guy in front of Leno looks a little creeped out.
Since the Day of the Day pickin's are slim today (Day of the First Shout for Freedom?? Really, El Salvador -- really???), let's go with a birthday of someone deceased, shall we? Because I'm hungry. This will make sense shortly.
Today would've been the 96th birthday of the dearly departed singer and actor, Roy Rogers. A singing cowboy who gained quite a bit of fame in his day, Rogers nowadays may be better known for having his name emblazoned on a chain of fried chicken restaurants along the Eastern seaboard. So New Jerseyites, Virginians and Pennsylvanians, raise up a drumstick to the man and pass the Tabasco. Mm-mmm, good.
The Associated Press reports that Rep. Ron Paul, R-Lake Jackson, set a single-day fundraising record for a Republican presidential candidate Monday: $4.2 million. Why Monday? Because it was Nov. 5, a.k.a. Guy Fawkes Day.
Fawkes was a British mercenary who tried to kill King James I on Nov. 5, 1605, and was the model for the title character in the comic book and movieV for Vendetta. YouTube has plenty of pro-Paul video clips that reference the film and include the Guy Fawkes Day refrain: “Remember, remember the 5th of November.”
Paul spokesman Jesse Benton told the AP that the effort began independently about two months ago but that Paul picked up on it and began mentioning it in speeches and interviews.
“It’s been kind of building up virally,” Benton said.
It's true. Ryan Adams and Bryan Adams share the same birthday. For those of you who don't follow music, here's what you need to know: Bryan is Canadian pop-schlock; Ryan is American alt-country (and anything else he feels like being, thank you). Bryan is short, raspy-voiced and blond; Ryan is short, slightly-froggy-voiced and brunette.
A duet album (and don't rule it out!) featuring the two would be the height of awesomeness. Imagine Ryan singing on "Summer of '69," a song about a year he, at 33, doesn't even remember. Wouldn't that be insane? No? OK, well, maybe you'll be more excited about the following birthday peeps:
--Tatum O'Neal (Oscar-winner-turned-MyNetworkTV-failed-telenovela star. Wha?) is 44.
--Art Garfunkel (Paul Simon's old partner who was good at hittin' them high notes) is 66.
--Ike Turner (who will always look just like Laurence Fishburne in my mind) is 76.
So, a woman in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, bought an ad in a newspaper selling her own breast milk. According to the Associated Press, she'll take $200 for 100 ounces of her glorious lactation.
Has she had any takers? Not yet, she says, but someone did prank-call her about it.
Since that Meg White sex tape from last month appears to be a fake, there's another way to get her on film.
Well, not exactly, but close. The White Stripes drummer has designed a limited edition Diana+ camera, "a faithful reproduction and a loving homage to the classic Diana, (the original 1960’s all-plastic cult camera) with a bit of new Lomographic magic tossed in." See it here.
For non-photo dorks, this is basically a toy camera that takes funky film photos and distorts in weird, artistic ways. There's a peppermint mask filter and a "Nobody Knows How To Talk To Children" circular flash for the lens that also works with Jack White's Holga camera.
Oh, to have this problem....
Court documents from Britney and K-Fed's custody battle have been released. Here are some juicy details, from People.com.
• Kevin earned more than a half million dollars in 2006.
• Britney earns about $737,000 ... A MONTH.
• Kevin receives $15,000 a month in child support from Brit.
Now for the expenses. From People.com, here's a list of average monthly expenses for Britney and Kevin in 2006:
Britney's Expenses
• $102,000 on entertainment, gifts and vacation
• $49,267 on mortgage payments
• $16,000 on clothes
• $4,758 on eating out
• $2,500 on phone bills
Kevin's Expenses
• $5,000 on entertainment, gifts and vacation
• $7,500 on rent
• $2,000 on clothes
• $1,500 on eating out
• $750 on phone bills
Didn't see your fun and festive get-up in the Halloween edition of Quick? Want more costume craziness?? Then check out these other entries from our first-ever Halloween costume contest.
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So I'm not gonna come right out and 
