I had the misfortune of sitting within earshot during some of the more -- how can I say this nicely since they were locals? -- talent-challenged performances of the night. That guy with the Bon Jovi song was especially brutal. I'll bet Tylenol, Advil and other headache medicines can make a killing advertising during these early-season episodes.
I believe we've found the next William Hung -- what the eff was that?!?!?! On the plus side, we haven't seen dancing like that from Paula since she practiced with MC Scat Cat ... God help me. Some diety help me.
Is this guy Renaldo wearing homecoming mums on his sleeves?!? I suppose that's a very Texas touch ... I'm gonna go ahead and presume he has zero chance and is just here for the laughs. What say you??
Gotta say I'm a little underwhelmed by Dallas. But you know producers are hiding all the talented people until we get to the Hollywood round. That Burleson girl, Nina Shaw, was aiight. OK, let's see this audition that will TOTALLY BLOW OUR MINDS. The pimp costume looks promising, I guess.
Oh, Kyle. He works with kids?!?! He scares me, and I'm a all growed up!! Simon was right in calling his aspects of his performance menacing and demonic ... ::shivers:: I think it's a no.
I believe they are playing "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" while showing this Mississippi farmboy's backstory. Hey, Idol producers! I think like you! Hire me!
Drew's his name, and boy is he conntry... Simon hates it. I kinda love it. I just hope he makes it to the showtunes-themed round.
He's got a nice voice, but he moves a little too much like Taylor Hicks. That could be a problem. Watching the pre-commercial previews of the rest of the show (necessary? no), I'm already a fan of this guy on a tractor. Please let him be a good singer. And please let him sing "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy."
Yikes. That Tammy from Grapevine looks like she needs to join Douglas. In a straitjacket ... yeech. She just sort of blacked out at certain periods. Music should be the last thing on her mind.
Damn, that girl was so nervous that she sang the wrong Celine Dion song. How often does that happen? Well, every day in my mirror, but maybe I'm revealing too much.
"All ya do is treat me ba-had, a-break mah heart and make me sa-had." Not even a modelicious hubby can save this chick. And what's with the jazz hands?
I could listen to this Douglas guy ramble all day long. About how his dad hates him because he sings so good. About how he learned everything he needs to know about vocalizing from Christina Aguilera. "OOO OOOH, NYEVIN ON A PRAAAR!"
I’d have sent her to Hollywood for that spot-on Britney impression, but thankfully her version of “Unchained Melody” (Simon’s favorite song, ahem) showed enough of her true self to earn her a shot. Too bad she’s from Houston. Can we have one shoo-in from the Big D, please?
It is the rare boy who gets through on Idol singing a gal's song, so why do they bother??!
Whoa, this Malloy chick does a SPOT-ON Britney Spears -- she should go out to California and just take over Brit's life. I mean, what are the chances that she's as much of a wreck in general as Brit??! Almost nada!! I think we have a winner ...
Aw, this farm girl, Kayla, is so cute -- I hope she has a chance! Yes, the Janis was uneven and rather weird. But, whoa, Simon says YES?!?! And Paula says NO?!?! Randy, of course, calls it pitchy -- and she's a go!!! What universe is this, indeed??
Her survivor story was inspirational, her Janis Joplin cover was terrible. But that's beside the point. Does she remind anyone else of Ellen Greene in the movie version of Little Shop of Horrors? Was that reference too obscure? Did Simon just say yes? Did she just make it to Hollywood? Am I even here?
Can we just put it out there that the guy who saves his fingernails is from Mississippi, not Texas? But it sounds like he has more talent in his pinky, gulp, fingernail than most of the people we've seen.
Thanks to your collection of trimmed fingernails, Brandon Green, my Stouffers mac n' cheese is on its way back on up. Disgusting -- I couldn't belive Ryan got that close to the plastic baggy of discards. Ugghhhh. And the singing's not impressing me, either ... he could go either way.
Jeez Louise, I thought this chaste guy was going to say that he's gay -- that would've been 10 times more interesting than his freaky weird vow to his dad and his future wife and that glittery necklace. To add insult to his injurious perf, Randy says, "Kiss some girls." Bwah!!!! Then maybe he could infuse some actual soul into his soul-music performance ...
Simon's right about her version of Faith Hill's "Stronger." Affected as hell. AND, she gave the exact same performance that Krum's Baylie Brown gave last year. Don't people get that you have to be an original to make it far on this show?
Speaking of Brown, she auditioned again this time around -- wonder if she'll make the show.
“I’m a member of the American Roller-Coaster Enthusiasts.” Yes. That’s the kind of weirdo I’m looking for. Now he’s singing. God help him. Save for the dramatic sigh at the end, that was a complete and uttah mess.
Wow, that rendition of Elliot Yamin's Wait For You must've had Elliott rolling around in his grave. And he's still alive -- couldn't Paul's family tell him the truth? Seems like no one's family tells them the truth on this show. Ah, well. Makes for riveting auditions, I suppose ...
Oooh, and Paul gives us the best quote yet, about Simon not being down on him: "And he goes down on just about everybody." Ahem.
Is it me, or did that stay-at-home Mom/former meth addict Jessica Brown look just like former Idol contestant Jessica Sierra?!?! Just me? Oookay. Hope she brings it after that back story ... sounds great so far!!
Cute ‘Dallas’-the-tv-show intro. But we seriously doubt Kelly is the “lone star” from here. Do they know how many reality shows look for contestants here?
Tonight, we get to see the characters who showed up to Dallas’ (OK, Irving’s) American Idol auditions. I was there at Texas Stadium for the first, judge-less round, so look for me. I’ll be the one with the notepad, circling the cattle herd of contestants and silently taunting them with my freedom. During last night’s Philly episode I got pretty tired of seeing people who hoped to get some camera time with their outrageous costumes. What I want in an Idol audition episode is some true weirdos – people who are strange without the aid of props or silly get-ups. What are you looking for? Do you have friends who auditioned? Join us in a few minutes and weigh in with your comments. We love you.
OK, I'll admit, earlier this week I was starting to feel a little sorry for Britney Spears and all her drama. But at some point the little voice in your head should chime in and say "what the heck are you doing!?!"
People reports that Britney was at a Rite Aid on Tuesday with her photog boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib (who happens to still be married). Oh, and they were SHOPPING FOR A PREGNANCY TEST. Seriously? Dr. Phil can't help her anymore after he went blabbing to the press. Maybe we can get this guy to help.
These days, if you are young and want to be a superstar, all you have to do is hook up with the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon. And you've got a chance with the latter this weekend:
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